I Like Unpredictable

I was talking to God yesterday and out of the blue He asked me a very big question. "Julia, why do you love me?" After a moment of surprise that God had asked me that question, I started answering! If God asks you a question, you can't very well ignore it, can you?! I started listing as many reasons I could think of; because of His grace, and love, because He died for me, because He chose me, because He's always there for me and will never let me down...

However, I got to a certain point in my long list and I started to think about the question. There are many obvious reasons that I love God (try listing them for yourself), but I wanted a reason, a 'proper' answer. Or at least, I had this feeling that God was looking for one particular, perhaps unique, answer; for me to truly think of one reason. Could I? Apart from all the obvious reasons to love God, could I think of one truly 'original' answer to the question to give God?

And then, it struck me. "God, I love you because you make life unpredictable." The world is full of people living predictable lives; they get up, maybe get the kids ready for school (if they have one/some), go to work, do their job, come home, spend time with family, watch TV, go to bed, do it all again the next day. Now, there is nothing wrong with any of this. It is a reasonable way to spend your life so I'm certainly not looking to judge ot insult people's way of life. In fact, this is often how God calls people to live their lives; to be a misssionary in their home and work place and local pub. However, those that live this life without God at the centre of it... Well, I don't know how people cope.

Call me crazy but I love the idea that nothing is certain; that at any moment God might call me to leave my job, my home or even this country and put me somewhere else entirely! Perhaps I am unusual, but I can blame God for that one. He made me this way. I love that God's plan for my life is a big surprise and while I know what I have planned for this week, those plans could change. And I have no idea where I'll be a year from now.

So when God asked me why I love Him, it seemed like the perfect answer. There are so many reasons I love Him; He is my first love, my life saver, my everything. But for me, the most exciting part of life with God is this: life with God is unpredictable and I love it!

Expectant Waiting

an·tic·i·pa·tion

 [ an tìssi páysh'n ]   

1. expectant waiting: the feeling of looking forward, usually excitedly or eagerly, to something that is going to happen

We're never happy, are we? I prayed that God would reveal His plan for my life; what the next step was, where He wanted me to be... This He has done. My faithful God has confirmed what I believed He was telling me. I am going to be an intern at Attunga in Australia, very exciting! So, what's the problem? Well, I'm not going till January and I can't wait!

I'm sure I'm not alone in this 'problem', am I? We pray and seek God's guidance. We ask Him to reveal His plan and we get impatient waiting for His response. We want the answers yesterday, we'd like God to reveal our purpose and path as soon as possible. God does answer, He does reveal His plan. In His time. So, we finally hear from God; He tells us where He wants us to be and what He wants us to do. "Great!" we think - usually - "now I know what God wants." And then... we wait for it to happen.

And so the impatience of our human nature rears it's ugly head again! "God, you've told me what you want me to do. Why can't it happen now?" This is where I am at the moment. I know where God wants me to be but I'm waiting in anticipation for it to happen; January seems so far away. What do I do in the meantime? How do I wait for it to happen, knowing how amazing it will be?

And yet God, in His infinite grace, allows us our impatience. After revealing His plans, He *patiently* waits while we get to grips with what He's told us. He then *patiently* listens to our cries of "why not now?" God is love, the epitome of wisdom and the fullness of grace. He is trustworthy, faithful, loyal and just. He is our Father and our friend and we can rely on Him to reveal His plan at the right time, and to put this plan into action when the moment is right.

Our anticipation of good things to come, is not sinful. It is not displeasing to God. I believe that God sees my expectant waiting and smiles. He knows what's waiting for me on this next stage of my journey and He wants me to have the good things that will come along with it. But He also knows that I'm not ready for it right now. So I will wait. In anticipation. I will wait for what I know God has for me. And in the meantime? I will continue to seek God, His will for my life and bask in the graciousness of His patience.

"We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honour and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins."

Colossians 1:9-14 (NLT)

Down Under

In June, I posted about how God had closed a door in my life; I had applied to go out to The Gambia and, to my surprise, it never happened. I was assured at the time, after much prayer and seeking God, that God was in it and so I was trusting Him to show me where He needed me to be instead. Well, my faithful God did not let me down. Recently, I discovered where He had planned for me to go.

I will begin this story at the beginning...
A few years ago I applied to go to something called a 'Taste of Australia' at a Christian campsite in Australia (not surprisingly). The campsite is called Attunga and it's in New South Wales; 100 miles south-west of Sydney. It was a 10 day retreat around Christmas time, on the camp; reading God's Word, praying, working on the campsite, watching sunsets and making new friends. It sounded so wonderful that I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to apply. Well I managed to get a place but, unfortunately, I could not go. Understandably my church decided they could not let me take the time off so close to Christmas (I was working as youth and children's worker at the time) as it's such a busy time of year. However, the people who run the camp, as well as I, felt that God wanted me to be there. It had never developed into anything, however, and I never got to go.

The following year the camp got in touch with me, asking if I was able to go that year, since God had clearly been speaking about it the previous Christmas. Still working for the church, this was not possible. But when my plans for going to The Gambia in Africa fell through, I prayed about what God wanted for me next (having thought it was Africa, clearly I was wrong); very quickly Attunga came to mind. It seemed that God had wanted me there but I had never been able to go. It was like an open door I'd never walked through, an opportunity I'd never taken. Was now the right moment? I went to the website and read more about the internships that I had briefly read about before. These internships were longer term, 18 weeks/5 months, and were obviously more in-depth than the short tastes at Christmas. They involve a three fold ministry on the camp; studying, life skills and focus areas. Having read about the internship in more detail, I applied online and awaited the next step.

A little while later I heard from Chris (the leader of the campsite) asking when I would be free to have a phone interview and a week or so later we had a chat on the phone for over 2 hours. This interview stage is not quite the same as you would imagine of a job interview, for example, but more of an informal chat to find out more about me. Chris asked plenty of questions about what I am like as a person, how I would find various aspects of the program (such as being in the middle of nowhere for 5 months, away from shopping and big cities...), etc. Chris informed me that he and the team would be praying about whether God wanted me to be at Attunga, and that confirmation always seemed to happen through a sense of peace. That if, within the team, there was a doubt or lack of peace about a particular person, then they knew that was God saying no; and vice versa. He said it could take anywhere from two days to two weeks so I would find out in due time; this phone call happened on the 3rd July.

Well, at the end of July (over 3 weeks after the call) I headed to WEC camp. By this point I had not heard back from Chris about whether I had a place or not. I was concerned that it was taking so long for God to confirm that He wanted me there (by this point I was almost certain that God wanted me at Attunga, I was just waiting for Him to assure it through Chris and the team). At camp, I had an amazing time, as usual; God spoke to me really powerfully about His grace and I had a chance to talk to a few fellow leaders about Australia. Through all this I was becoming more and more sure that God wanted me at Attunga, but I still had not had any confirmation from them.

Looking back now, I know that God was teaching me to trust in Him, rely on Him and have faith that, in all things, He was working for my good (Romans 8:28). I am not a patient person, apart from in the classroom, so I know that God was teaching me through this delay and finally, by the end of camp I had got to the point where I said "God, I trust you, I don't know where you're going to lead me or what you want me to do, but that's OK. I want to go to Attunga, but if that's not where you want me then I'm willing to accept that and go somewhere else. Or even stay in the UK if you have a plan for me here. My life is in your hands."

Well, on the 12th August, 2 days after I returned from camp, I got a message from Chris saying "We've come to a decision on our side & I believe God is in this so we'd like to formally offer you a place in the January '14 semester as an intern at Attunga." God had blessed my willingness to follow Him, surrender to Him and also given me the desire of my heart. Even though I had been fairly certain this is where God wanted me, I was still pleasantly surprised :) I still feel surprised and blessed when I think about it now!

 

So January of next year, sees me jetting off to Australia for my semester as an intern. If you would like to know more about the Attunga internship, click on the picture below and it will take you to a pdf brochure online which describes it in more detail, but let me sum up those three areas for you that I mentioned before...

 

 

Studying: During the semester, I will study for a 'Certificate IV in Christian Ministry and Theology'. This is a nationally recognised qualification (in Australia). Units of study will focus on God's Word, which I will read all the way through whilst there. They provide training in sharing my faith, standing strong in the face of common areas of temptation and living a life that seeks God's blessing. 

Life Skills: This area is designed to develop a servant heart within each intern. It is basically practical service on the camp through cooking, kitchen clean up, cleaning the cabins/bathrooms/common areas, gardening and ground care (the camp is set within 300 acres of native Australian gardens and forest), cleaning the pools and spa/jacuzzi, as well as opportunities to work in the local rural area (Canyonleigh); working with students in local high schools and youth groups. There may also be inner-city missions in Sydney or other urban areas.

Focus Areas: I'm not sure whether I will have to pick one focus area, or whether all interns get involved in as many as they are capable of, but there are 3 areas of special focus. These are horses & animals; training the horses, grooming and caring for them, developing horsemanship as well as leading groups who visit the campsite, on trails in the surrounding bush. The second is site development; clearing new bush walking tracks or horse riding trails, building an outdoor chapel or other permanent buildings, developing new activities, and generally making a lasting contribution to the camp. The third and final area is music and creative arts; forming a worship band with fellow musical interns, playing/singing during camp and ministry events, leading worship or performing for visiting guests, and using other creative areas such as drama to share the gospel and/or develop skits for and with campers.

 

 

It's strange that when I look back to applying to The Gambia, I had felt - at the time - that it was God's will. I consider it now and how it never turned out exactly as I had thought it would; I wonder what God's lesson was through it. I know that I learnt a lot through the application, as well going on the orientation weekend I attended in Leeds. When I think about how I felt about that opportunity, I realise that, while I was excited at the prospect of finally going to Africa where I have felt called for a long time, I was never truly at peace about it. Not in the way I am about Attunga.

 

I am really looking forward to heading off to Australia in the New Year. I'm excited about making new friends, travelling to a new place, learning new skills, developing my gifts, diving into God's Word, getting time and space to serve God and hear from Him, being refreshed, being challenged, being surprised, and allowing God to do a new work in me... whatever that might be. I know that He goes before me, preparing the way even now. I know that this is where God wants and needs me to be, but I also know that the devil hates it when we follow God's will and so will be trying his hardest to distract me. Please pray with me; that God will prepare my heart, mind and spirit for all that He wants to teach me and do in me while I'm there. Also pray for protection in the run up; that the devil will not be allowed to distract me, tempt me away, or put doubt in my heart about God's will for me.

 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)



Fall Down On My Knees

Another post with a story from the YWS; a little later than planned, but it's here all the same.

Let me begin at the beginning. A number of weeks ago in church, one of our members had stood up the front and brought a prophecy to us. I can't remember it word for word, but the general gist was that if we will kneel before God, He will bless us. I knew in my heart that God was telling me to kneel; not spiritually or metaphorically, but to literally kneel down on the floor right where I was. I play in the band at church so I was at the front where people would've seen me if I'd suddenly decided to kneel down in response to this prophecy. No-one else was kneeling and I thought I'd look a bit of a wally doing it. So I didn't. Though I knew without a doubt that God was asking me to do it, the moment passed and I instantly regretted my disobedience. You know the feeling, I'm sure? When God's asked you to do something, you don't, and then when you realise what you've done your heart sinks and you start apologising to God over and over...

Well I was busy apologising to God; telling Him I loved Him and I wished I'd just done what He asked. However, God's response was 'I'm going to give you one more chance'. When I asked Him what He meant, He explained it to me: basically, I would get a chance at some point soon to do this. I would know when it was, God would make sure of that, but I had that one more chance to kneel and surrender. God warned me that the next time it wouldn't be as easy; there would be more people and it would be a situation where I would feel even more of a wally. I guess this was only fair, so I told God that I would try to do it next time.

Around 4-6 weeks later I arrived at the Youthwork Summit in Manchester. During the worship time toward the end of the Saturday, Rend Collective played the song 'Hungry'. It's a Vineyard song I think, and the first verse and chorus go like this:

Hungry I come to you
For I know you satisfy
I am empty, but I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for you...

I'm falling on my knees,
Offering all of me
Jesus you're all this heart is living for.

Well, if you look carefully at the chorus, you can probably guess where this is going. God informed me that 'this is it'. I knew that my second (and last) chance had arrived. As we sung the chorus the first time I knew that when the chorus came round again I would need to show God my obedience by kneeling; in a room full of 700+ youth workers, with my friends from York stood around me... It was now or never.

Well I did it. I decided that God was worth the embarrassment, and that He wouldn't ask me to do this without good reason, so I knelt down on the floor right where I was. I felt like a wally for the amount of time it took me to get from a standing position, to a kneeling one; and then God's blessing and love hit me like a tsunami. It was a really intimate moment between me and God, so I'm not going to share all the details of what happened between me and Him in those 10 minutes. But I will say that my life has changed since that moment; it was 10 minutes full of love, forgiveness, reconciliation, blessing, healing and God's Spirit poured out onto my life. There is no way I could sum up that time with God, but I know that Jesus was right there with His arms wrapped tight around me and I know that every time I told God I was sorry, His response was 'I love you'.

So, the moral to this story? God does not ask us to obey Him because He wants to exert His power or prove to us just how powerful He is. He already knows just how powerful He is, He doesn't need to prove anything to anyone! God asks us to obey because our obedience puts us in a place of surrender and vulnerability, and when we are in that place God is able to pour out His abundant blessing and demonstrate His love for us in a more intimate way. Obedience to God is allowing yourself to take a big step toward Him; when you do that, God takes the rest of the steps towards you and the meeting that occurs is more precious than you could ever imagine.

What did I learn? It doesn't matter if what God is asking me to do makes me feel a bit like a plonker, because if I'm willing to obey the blessing that awaits me far outweighs the embarrassment I might feel to get there.

For The Love Of God

I'm sat in my choir uniform in Heslington Church ready to see my friend, Emily, get married! We're singing a few gospel tunes while they sign the register...

I do love a good wedding, but I don't think you can beat a Christian wedding. There's something special about putting God at the centre of a marriage; like was originally intended. God is love (take a look at the book of 1 John) and all love comes from God. Marriage involves 2 people declaring their love for one another and promising their love and faithfulness forever. A Christian marriage involves all of the above, but the love they declare is recognised as coming from God and the promises they make are sealed in Christ.

A marriage which honours God and two people who come together for the love of God, as well as the love of one another, is one that truly reflects what marriage is about and represents Christ's love to those who see it.

"Love strongly, Live compassionately, Honour deeply, Trust unfailingly." (Pete Roderick)