Life

I have been thinking about a blog update for a couple of weeks now; but I didn't want to post just for the sake of it. I wanted to have something worthwhile to say, and I think I have it.

I read a blog post (Grace For The Road) by another girl who has an excellent blog. It was a link on Facebook and I clicked it because... well, why not? I read it and was challenged by its content. Do I live life with all I have? Do I live every day as if it belonged to God? Do I love every moment He gives me and thank Him always for all He's done? Do I know Him inside out and strive to know Him more? What do I need to change in my life for it to look like the life He wants?

As is often my response, it sparked a poem in me and I thought I would share it...

Life

Life is not to be wasted.

Life is not to be squandered.

Life is a gift,

To be loved, and lived

    As if it were temporary,

    As if it might be taken away,

    As if it were not yours in the first place.

Life is a loan, borrowed time,

A present from the Most High.

You do not have life because you chose

Or even because

    Your parents chose.

You have life,

Because the I Am chose.

He chose you,

  He made you,

    He named you.

He let you borrow life,

  He asked you to live,

    He invited you to be alive.

This life you lead,

The breath you take,

The time you have,

Is all from Him; enjoy it.

Do not waste or squander

That which the Almighty has chosen

To give to you.

Life is precious;

No one else can live the one you have.

    It will contain failure,

    And disappointment,

    Heartache and pain.

But sorrow lasts for a night,

Joy comes in the morning.

Life will contain sunsets and sunrises

    Rainbows and birdsong

    Family and friends

Life holds potential, possibility

And hope.

God has given breath

    Choose to use it to praise Him.

God has given you a beating heart

    Choose to use it to love Him.

God has given you life

    Choose to use it to glorify Him.

This time, this life,

That God has given to only you;

    Choose to use it, to worship only Him.

Expectant Waiting

an·tic·i·pa·tion

 [ an tìssi páysh'n ]   

1. expectant waiting: the feeling of looking forward, usually excitedly or eagerly, to something that is going to happen

We're never happy, are we? I prayed that God would reveal His plan for my life; what the next step was, where He wanted me to be... This He has done. My faithful God has confirmed what I believed He was telling me. I am going to be an intern at Attunga in Australia, very exciting! So, what's the problem? Well, I'm not going till January and I can't wait!

I'm sure I'm not alone in this 'problem', am I? We pray and seek God's guidance. We ask Him to reveal His plan and we get impatient waiting for His response. We want the answers yesterday, we'd like God to reveal our purpose and path as soon as possible. God does answer, He does reveal His plan. In His time. So, we finally hear from God; He tells us where He wants us to be and what He wants us to do. "Great!" we think - usually - "now I know what God wants." And then... we wait for it to happen.

And so the impatience of our human nature rears it's ugly head again! "God, you've told me what you want me to do. Why can't it happen now?" This is where I am at the moment. I know where God wants me to be but I'm waiting in anticipation for it to happen; January seems so far away. What do I do in the meantime? How do I wait for it to happen, knowing how amazing it will be?

And yet God, in His infinite grace, allows us our impatience. After revealing His plans, He *patiently* waits while we get to grips with what He's told us. He then *patiently* listens to our cries of "why not now?" God is love, the epitome of wisdom and the fullness of grace. He is trustworthy, faithful, loyal and just. He is our Father and our friend and we can rely on Him to reveal His plan at the right time, and to put this plan into action when the moment is right.

Our anticipation of good things to come, is not sinful. It is not displeasing to God. I believe that God sees my expectant waiting and smiles. He knows what's waiting for me on this next stage of my journey and He wants me to have the good things that will come along with it. But He also knows that I'm not ready for it right now. So I will wait. In anticipation. I will wait for what I know God has for me. And in the meantime? I will continue to seek God, His will for my life and bask in the graciousness of His patience.

"We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honour and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins."

Colossians 1:9-14 (NLT)

River Of God

Those that know me will by now be aware that poetry is one of my favourite things. Not only do I love reading it, but I love to write it too. God also uses poetry to prophesy through me. Almost all of my prophetic words nowadays are brought through poems. This, I think, is a great thing because poetry is so often very emotive and, because of it's pattern and rhythm, is often easier to remember.

One of my earlier posts talked about how one of my poems was an answer to prayer during a Youth Work Summit; how I had written this poem and it became a liturgy for the end of the day.

Well on Friday night God again used a poem to speak through me during a worship evening at a local church. During the event there had been a clear theme: it seemed God was using the image of water to speak to all of us about cleansing, new beginnings, forgiveness, love, mission and all sorts of things. It was obvious that God was speaking and I believed that God was prompting me to write a poem. I got out my pen and prepared myself for Him to speak. I love that God chooses to use me and speak through me in this way and I just wanted to share it with you all:

Water of God

God's grace is not a trickling stream,
God's love is not a babbling brook,
God's mercy is not a broken fountain.

The grace of God is a rushing river
   breaking it's banks,
The love of God is a powerful waterfall
   shaping the landscape,
The mercy of God is a refreshing rain
   bringing new life.

If you are
thirsty for acceptance
thirsty for forgiveness,
thirsty for a new beginning;
   Come and drink.

Drink deep from the bottomless well
Drink deep from the spring that never runs dry
Drink deep from the overflowing cup.

Drink, and allow God
  to satisfy your thirst,
  to meet your needs,
  to refresh your soul.

God's grace, God's love, God's mercy,
like a limitless ocean,
flow eternally.
They never end,
          never run out.
God pours out His water
        of grace, love and mercy;
He pours out His Spirit,
  into our hearts
  into our lives

Without counting the cost
Without considering the price.

Receive His water,
  this life-giving, soul-shaping, heart-healing
  water.
Take as much as you need, then
Accept abundantly more.

So that you may become a source
   of the water of God.
That you may show
   this thirsty, weary world,
   where to come and drink.
To drink deep.

Of the grace, love, mercy,
Of the water
  which never ends
  and never runs out.
This water of God.

Julia King  19/07/2013

Hand Of God

Time moves on and plans change, and this has certainly been true for me this year. It's been very up and down for me since the beginning of the year. When it began I thought I would be heading off to Africa in the first few months of the year, to begin a year of mission work for God. It felt right and seemed right - I know God wants me to head to Africa at some point so I figured this was where I was heading... God had other plans.

When I look back on these last few months, I recognise that God had a purpose in allowing me to apply for The Gambia, preparing for it and closing the door. I'm not sure what all of His motives or reasons were, but I am learning to trust that God knows best! Though I was expecting Africa, it looks like God is closing that door (for now, not for good) and showing me another. I am beginning to push other doors to see where God truly wants me to be.
Meanwhile I am teaching again which I realise I really missed! I've been given the opportunity to teach a couple of classes in one primary school in York and I teach them each week. If there's one thing those kids in those classes need, it's the love of God. So I'm just praying that God will use me right here and now to bless those kids!

So, what am I learning? Well, that God has it all in hand. It is no use me trying to plan and predict where and what God wants me to be and do; I need to leave it to Him to show me the way. I cannot just sit and wait; I have to go out and push those doors, but knowing which ones will open and which one will slam shut is not for me to guess!

I am also re-learning that when I allow God to lead; when I let Him take the steering wheel of my life and don't try to plan myself, then my life turns out so much better, so much more blessed, and so much more exciting than if I ever tried to do it myself!

I am learning, slowly but surely, to let EVERYTHING sit in the hand of God. It is the safest place for me to put my life and my plans. God really does know best and He is teaching me to trust that He has it all in hand.

One Day Like This

"Throw those curtains wide!
One day like this a year'd see me right." - Elbow

So it's been a whole month since I last posted. Life gets pretty busy doesn't it? The lament of every youth and children's worker I imagine. Christmas is almost upon us and it's all Nativity and drama and singing and parties... Love it! But I'm posting today because it's my birthday. 27 today! And what a day. Isn't God good? Blessing after blessing is poured out without limits, even when it's undeserved and beyond what we could have asked for. As Relient K say "the beauty of grace, is that it makes life not fair." How true.

Today started with the opening of presents and finished with a McDonalds - good times. In between there was lunch with a friend (always a blessing) and a trip to a musical. So why am I singing God's praises? Well, a couple of reasons. If you are a York resident you will have noticed that there was a little bit of snow today. Well, a couple of days ago I asked God if He could send me some snow on my birthday. I'll admit I wasn't expecting Him to say yes, but 'yes' He said and there were just the beginnings of snow - I think I was the only one with a smile on my face as I walked through it but I thank God for that small blessing that put a big grin on my face.

The other thing I'm thanking God for is the musical! I went to see Sister Act the Musical in Bradford tonight and though I was expecting to enjoy some good theatre, I was not expecting God to bless me in the midst of it. It was amazing theatre and there were a few voices in the cast that were clearly God-given gifts. One of the songs (the first one Dolores sings with the choir of nuns) is called Raise Your Voice and I was blown away by it! I shed a tear during the part where the sisters layered 'hallelujah' and 'gloria in excelsis deo' and a few Latin lines on top of each other. I'm not sure if all the actresses saw it as worship, but I certainly did. And when Dolores encourages them to sing it loud, and a nun says "I hear what she’s saying – It’s the word of the Lord, why should we whisper it?" I found myself saying Amen slightly involuntarily.

It still surprises me how God can bless us through anything and anyone. Are you always ready to hear God speak? Do you keep your ears, eyes and heart open at all times? Because you really never know when and how God is going to bless you, or speak to you or remind you that He loves you.

Fall Down On My Knees

Another post with a story from the YWS; a little later than planned, but it's here all the same.

Let me begin at the beginning. A number of weeks ago in church, one of our members had stood up the front and brought a prophecy to us. I can't remember it word for word, but the general gist was that if we will kneel before God, He will bless us. I knew in my heart that God was telling me to kneel; not spiritually or metaphorically, but to literally kneel down on the floor right where I was. I play in the band at church so I was at the front where people would've seen me if I'd suddenly decided to kneel down in response to this prophecy. No-one else was kneeling and I thought I'd look a bit of a wally doing it. So I didn't. Though I knew without a doubt that God was asking me to do it, the moment passed and I instantly regretted my disobedience. You know the feeling, I'm sure? When God's asked you to do something, you don't, and then when you realise what you've done your heart sinks and you start apologising to God over and over...

Well I was busy apologising to God; telling Him I loved Him and I wished I'd just done what He asked. However, God's response was 'I'm going to give you one more chance'. When I asked Him what He meant, He explained it to me: basically, I would get a chance at some point soon to do this. I would know when it was, God would make sure of that, but I had that one more chance to kneel and surrender. God warned me that the next time it wouldn't be as easy; there would be more people and it would be a situation where I would feel even more of a wally. I guess this was only fair, so I told God that I would try to do it next time.

Around 4-6 weeks later I arrived at the Youthwork Summit in Manchester. During the worship time toward the end of the Saturday, Rend Collective played the song 'Hungry'. It's a Vineyard song I think, and the first verse and chorus go like this:

Hungry I come to you
For I know you satisfy
I am empty, but I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for you...

I'm falling on my knees,
Offering all of me
Jesus you're all this heart is living for.

Well, if you look carefully at the chorus, you can probably guess where this is going. God informed me that 'this is it'. I knew that my second (and last) chance had arrived. As we sung the chorus the first time I knew that when the chorus came round again I would need to show God my obedience by kneeling; in a room full of 700+ youth workers, with my friends from York stood around me... It was now or never.

Well I did it. I decided that God was worth the embarrassment, and that He wouldn't ask me to do this without good reason, so I knelt down on the floor right where I was. I felt like a wally for the amount of time it took me to get from a standing position, to a kneeling one; and then God's blessing and love hit me like a tsunami. It was a really intimate moment between me and God, so I'm not going to share all the details of what happened between me and Him in those 10 minutes. But I will say that my life has changed since that moment; it was 10 minutes full of love, forgiveness, reconciliation, blessing, healing and God's Spirit poured out onto my life. There is no way I could sum up that time with God, but I know that Jesus was right there with His arms wrapped tight around me and I know that every time I told God I was sorry, His response was 'I love you'.

So, the moral to this story? God does not ask us to obey Him because He wants to exert His power or prove to us just how powerful He is. He already knows just how powerful He is, He doesn't need to prove anything to anyone! God asks us to obey because our obedience puts us in a place of surrender and vulnerability, and when we are in that place God is able to pour out His abundant blessing and demonstrate His love for us in a more intimate way. Obedience to God is allowing yourself to take a big step toward Him; when you do that, God takes the rest of the steps towards you and the meeting that occurs is more precious than you could ever imagine.

What did I learn? It doesn't matter if what God is asking me to do makes me feel a bit like a plonker, because if I'm willing to obey the blessing that awaits me far outweighs the embarrassment I might feel to get there.

It All Comes From Here*

From Friday 21st to Saturday 22nd October, I experienced the second Youthwork Summit (YWS) retreat and conference. I am overflowing with thankfulness for what God has done for me, overwhelmed with gratitude because for the past 48 hours God has not stopped talking to me; He has not stopped holding me, filling me, blessing me, encouraging me and speaking directly into my heart.
There are many things that I could share with you, but there is one story from the 2 days that I want to share here; one that blessed me and spoke to me deeply.

It was on conference day (today). We arrived and were given our goodie bags full of awesome free stuff; in it was a postcard. On the front of the card was the YWS tagline for this year: 'it all comes from here', and on the back was space to write anything that God was saying to us, or whatever had blessed us from the last 2 days. We had been encouraged, a number or times from the stage, to fill it in. Well, after lunch I got out my postcard and considered what I could put on it; I decided that God wanted me to write a poem (hopefully one that would fit on the back of a postcard).

So I sat and thought and considered, and decided to use the tagline and I wrote a short (for me) poem based around the ideas from the 2 days and around youth work as a ministry. I wrote it on the card, put it in one of the bins (that were for the cards, not for rubbish) and thought nothing more of it. I thought maybe it would end up on the website?

At the beginning of the last session, before we went into a time of worship and Mark Yaconelli's final address, they read out a few of the cards. They didn't read mine; 'fine', I thought. I had only put my card in during the last break so I figured they either hadn't had time yet to read it or it was too long to read. It didn't bother or concern me, as the poem could be put on the website and bless people there (I'm beginning to realise that most of my poems are from God to bless others, not just me, so I need to share them). Then we joined hands, put our arms round one another and the room of 700+ youth workers prayed together as a young lady prayed over us.

Martin Saunders (the host and one of the organisers) then explained that the plan had been to take some of the things from the cards, and some of the tweets written through the day, and put them together to make a liturgy for everyone to say together at this point. (I should say - at the beginning of the day he had warned that they weren't event planners or organisers, that they weren't sure what they were doing and that it could all go wrong...) He then said that they hadn't had the time or organisation to do that and were a little worried that it therefore wouldn't happen and they'd have to miss that out. However, he then said that someone had come along in the last break and done the job for them. That "a person in this room" had written a liturgy/poem on their postcard; had answered the need and prayer with an already formed liturgical poem...

My poem was then projected onto the gigantic screen at the front! The entire room full of youth workers stood together and said my poem aloud! I was shaking the whole way through it. Not because I was nervous (I have confidence in the poetic gift God has given me), but because I realised that through my obedience and faithfulness to God's simple request (to write a poem on my postcard) I had not only become an answer to prayer, but that I had blessed an entire mega-church-size room full of youth workers. At the time that God asked me to write it, I was a little frustrated because I really wanted to listen to the speakers (each one only got 5/10 mins and I didn't want to miss one), but I realised that all along God had a particular plan and my obedience led to the fulfillment of it.

I am not sharing this story to glorify myself or boast in anything but God's grace, mercy, generosity and goodness. I am sharing it to show you that through obedience to God we are allowing Him to use us as a part of His grand plan. We may not, at the time of obeying, understand that plan but when it becomes clear to us the blessing is well worth the patience and perseverance. Be a willing servant and who knows what God will lead you into. Who knows who you'll end up blessing through the simple, humble act of saying 'yes' to God...


It All Comes From Here*

It all comes from here.

From an extraordinary God,
capable of ALL things.
From His unfailing love
for ALL that we are.

From a purpose and calling
that He placed on our lives.
From a passion and desire
to change young lives.

We give our time, our energy,
We share our ideas, our lives,
We offer our teaching, our advice.

But we give, we share, we offer
Because we do not love alone,
but with the help of God's heart.
Because we do not stand alone,
but with the strength of God's Spirit.
Because we do not fight alone,
but with the power of God's will.

From a God who loves
all which He has created,
From a God who guides
all who seek His face,
From a God who welcomes
all who come in His name.

It all comes from here.

I'll Be There For You

Today I am being thankful for friends. I am blessed enough to have people who not only love me, but pray for me and care about me. My friends mean the world to me; no-one else believes in me the way they do (other than God) and they have this way of making me smile even if I feel like crying. What a gift!

I sometimes, sadly, get complacent about my friends; I take them for granted without realising and, for those times, I'm sorry. My friends pick me up and put me back on my feet, sometimes without even realising they've done it...

I used to watch the TV show Friends (still do, it remains funny to this day) and be jealous of that group: that they were so close-knit, that they loved each other through thick and thin. When I look around today, I see that God has blessed me with friends on every side. I can never say I'm alone, even when it feels that way, because I see the company God's given me for the journey and I realise that He must love me very much.